Anxiety

I woke up this morning at 5am nearly jumping out of bed due to a dream turned nightmare about my classroom. In my dream, not only were my classroom renovations not completed by the beginning of the school year, but the size of the room was cut in half and I was missing furniture. At the end of the first day of school, I was fired because I didn't complete the correct paperwork.

The first thing I did when I had calmed down enough to realize that it was just a dream... I googled some paperwork that I'm still waiting on -just to make sure that I hadn't dropped the ball on it. Thankfully, it's something the state has to take care of and that I have no control over. 

The problem with a day starting like that is that a feeling of anxiety is at the back of my mind constantly. Every time I hear a little "ding" signifying a new email, my stress level increases. Is it a message saying that my classroom won't be renovated by the beginning of the school year? Is it an email that I missed some training for school? Is it an email that I actually am not certified to teach a transition classroom? Is it bad news that isn't related to my job, but about something completely different? The questions multiply and my anxiety increases until I have enough courage to actually look at the email. And 99% of the time, it's junk mail. So I breathe a huge sigh of relief and try not to let the anxiety consume me. And then, I hear that awful "ding" again, and the cycle repeats. (In fact, this process happened 4 times, just while writing this post.)

I recently competed a numerical stress test (from one of my textbooks from college. you can find a similar one here http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htm). According to the one I completed, I have a 95% chance of getting a stress related illness in the next year, and that didn't even figure in my international travel this spring! I've gotten knots in my back that are so numerous and tight that my arms start tingling. I can't let the fear of getting sick keep me from living my life, but I also can't ignore the stress and anxiety in my life. 

I know what the Bible says about anxiety and worry, and I'm trying to pray through it, but it is still unfortunately something I'm dealing with. So that is how you can be praying for me today/this week/this school year.


Here are some verses (from the ESV translation) that I am reminding myself of. Hopefully they'll be a good reminder for you too. 

Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more that food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 
(The context of this passage refer to the Holy Spirit coming to all who believe. The Holy Spirit, who is in me, is present to help provide peace.)

Psalm 55:22a
Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.

1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 

And one last verse:
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Thank you to everyone who has written notes of encouragement the past few weeks. Even though you may not have realized the impact of your words (and I might not have shown my appreciation) 'a good word' really does help!