Happy Dance

My day at school began with a happy dance. More happy dances happened throughout the day.

Why so many dances from someone who doesn't really dance?

-I got my updated classroom budget - which was exciting because they realized they made an oop-sies and increased my budget.

-There were new boxes in my future classroom.

-A guy came in and worked in my classroom. He installed a changing table (I'm not exactly sure why, but whatevs), my dry erase board, and my projector screen.

-A different guy came in and started putting in the supports for a swing.

-A student had an "Ah-Ha" moment in math class. We had worked on using touchmath for about 3 weeks. This student had never really understood putting dots on the numbers to use them to count. Today, I introduced using number lines to help with adding. I had to go deal with a situation, but when I came back to see how this student was doing, he had put all of the dots on the numbers for touchmath! My first reaction was "He didn't follow directions" but then I took a second look and realized "OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! HE USED TOUCH MATH!!!!!!!!!!!" I gave him a high five and did a little happy dance... the student told me to stop dancing - people should only dance at home. :D

-The kitchen cabinets for my classroom were delivered after school!!!  And I was told that by the end of next week, I should be in my classroom.

-There was a package waiting outside my door! As I opened it, there was a lovely note from a lady from the church I grew up in. There were some encouraging quotes and Bible verses that she shared. She also sent me two rice bowls (as a tribute to my time in China) to use as ice cream bowls! (She sent 2 just in case I wanted to share my ice cream... like thats going to happen!) :)

It's been a day FULL of happy dances!

Here's to another day full of happy dances! (imagine me toasting you with my bowl full of ice cream) :)

Feeling Blessed

I've been wearing my "blessed" mudlove band any chance I get. (Admittedly, that isn't as much as I would like because I don't like to wear bracelets to school, but still...)

I was slow to jump on the fad of getting mudlove bracelets. I don't really like being like everyone else. But I've slowly grown my collection to 4 bands. My first was "abundant life". About nine months later, I got my second one saying "beloved" because that's how God refers to me, the bride of Christ. My next bracelet was to benefit The Grace College Chapter of the Council for Exceptional Children - "Micah 6:8" which says 'What does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.' 

I happened to win a free mudlove band, and chose one with "blessed" written on it to remind me to count my blessings and to help remind others of the choice to be thankful for what God has provided. 


I've had a lot of things going against me recently with some challenges at work. But still... The feeling of being "blessed" has been there. 
I'm blessed by our school secretary who has "adopted" me into part of her family. You know how much someone considers you part of the family when they serve you leftovers :) She has been a huge help and an encourager. 
I'm blessed by one of the other teachers in the school who has also helped me out at school with some of the issues and has welcomed me when I've visited the church she attends. 
I'm blessed by someone I met at church one week who gave me a map of the city and showed me some good trails to walk/bike on. 

I had a birthday this week. The simple gestures of getting cupcakes for my students to enjoy, taking me out for a DQ blizzard, taking me out for breakfast (my favorite meal of the day), making 
me a birthday cake... They all reminded me how much I am cared for. Living in a new town where I don't really know anyone can be lonely, but these simple gifts were a great reminder of how I am treasured and blessed by those around me. 

I feel so blessed by all of you, my friends and my family, and by God... Thank you for your encouragement. Thanks for helping me laugh. 

Blessed, definitely blessed. 

I. Need. Help.

Why are those 3 simple words so hard to say?

Is it because, by saying them, we admit that we aren't perfect? We're admitting that we aren't self-sufficient but that we have to rely on someone else? Is it our pride? Is it fear of what other people will think? It is fear of not being accepted by people because you need them?

Last week, I really realized how much I need help. It was a really rough week at school with some 'extreme' behaviors presenting themselves in my classroom. I got punched at, had things thrown at me, had my personal space invaded, and had to use some of my "Handle with Care" training to deflect a student's grip on me. One student took a swing at me in front of the Student Resource Officer (SRO) and was taken away from my class by him and the assistant principal. When processing the situation with an Occupational Therapist who has worked with the student, she was surprised by the student's behavior and was bothered that I used outside help. She thought I should be the disciplinarian in my classroom, not using outside help, so that the students respect me as the authority. But I didn't know what to do. Everything I tried just kept him running away from me and refusing to work. And when he would stop long enough to listen, he would get "all up in my grill", and I didn't know how to handle that situation either.

As I left school on Friday with a heavy heart, I felt the weight of shame on my shoulders. I was ashamed that I couldn't handle my students without help. That led to the feeling of incompetence.

Granted, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I am a first year teacher who has a challenging group of students.

But, nevertheless, I have been struggling all weekend with trying to figure out how to ask for help from my boss, because I am (finally) ready to admit to myself and others that I need help to make my classroom the best learning environment possible. Tonight, I sent an email to my boss asking to meet tomorrow to discuss classroom and behavior management.


Tomorrow morning, I'll overcome my fear, pride, and shame long enough to say:

I. Need. Help.


And I'll get the help I need so very much.


Thanks for your prayers!

The Squeaky Wheel

Probably the biggest struggle as a first year teacher is learning how to be an advocate for myself and my students.

For example, the air condition doesn't really work in my room. And in the past 6 school days, my classroom has been worked in during only 1 day! One of my students needs to go out into the general education classrooms, but in order for that to happen, I need to send an aide with him (which would mean giving up my only aide for at least 140 mins a day). None of the computers in my classroom work consistently.

I'm trying to learn how to fight for what I (and my students) need. They say that "a squeaky wheel gets the grease" but sometimes the squeaky wheel just makes everyone want to scream. I'm trying to learn how to be the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, not the one that drives everyone bonkers!

If you have any tips...feel free to share!

I would really appreciate any/all prayers as I try to find the balance between getting some needs met in my classroom and trying to keep a good relationship with everyone at the school.

Thanks!

11 Days!

I have survived 11 days as a real teacher! 

It hasn't been easy. The construction on my classroom didn't start until a week and a half before school started. Two days before school started, they figured out which room I would be in temporarily. 18 hours before my kids arrived, I was allowed into my classroom. Needless to say, it was not the smoothest start to the school year. 

God has entrusted me with 7 kids to take care of and teach for the year. I have an assistant and an ASL interpreter that I work with every day. Some days, I've felt like we are struggling to make it to the end of the day. Some days we survive. This past Friday, we had a really good day. 

It has been a huge learning experience! I've had to deal with difficult parents, teachers who don't understand/appreciate/respect my job. I've had to decide what my classroom management would look like. I've struggled with the switch from a wealthier school district where I did observations/student teaching to a high poverty school. (It took 2+ days to get my computer working and another week to get a working computer for the students.) 

When you go to college, you are told that you should befriend the school secretary and the school custodian. Another important group of people are the cafeteria ladies. At the end of the 2nd day of school, the secretary showed me the supply closet! The custodian has brought and rearranged all of the furniture in my room. The lunch ladies have allowed my kids to come 10 minutes early to lunch, given us breakfast when the bus was late in the morning, and been really flexible with the chaotic-ness of our schedule. I am thankful for the wonderful people that have been in my life. Between these three groups of ladies, the resource room special education teachers, occupational therapists, physical therapists, speech and language pathologists, those in charge of assistive technology, special education specialists, and our school's special education coordinator, there have been a number of great people in my life. God has blessed me with working with a number of Christians. I'm thankful for that!

I had someone tell me that I can encourage myself on the tough days by reminding myself that even if nothing academic got accomplished, we provided much needed respite to parents. My goal is to help these kids learn as much as possible to help them be as independent as possible, but some of my kids will spend the majority of their lives living with their parents. 

My class is never boring. I had to get kids out from under the bleachers after getting stuck. I had 10 minute conversations with students on why to use the bathroom instead of wetting their pants. I had a kid pass gas in my face when I was sitting with him and trying to process why he was in trouble. I had a kid pretend to pass out. There is never a dull moment in my class. 

This week is going to bring some new adventures with a behavior specialist and going bowling. 

Just because... here are a couple posters I have hanging in my classroom :)

 (this is in our library area)

Thanks for sticking through my rambling update of the past couple weeks! :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

For those who may be worried that you forgot/missed my birthday. Have no fear... You didn't really. Today is my 16th spiritual birthday! Sixteen years ago, I interrupted my mom who was folding laundry and after talking for a bit, I prayed that Jesus would forgive my sins and help me live like Him.

It's been a work in progress. I have definitely grown and changed a lot in the past years, but I still have a long way to grow in my relationship with God. I look forward to seeing how God works in and through me for the next year.



P.S. For those wondering, my birthday is September 18th :)

Anxiety

I woke up this morning at 5am nearly jumping out of bed due to a dream turned nightmare about my classroom. In my dream, not only were my classroom renovations not completed by the beginning of the school year, but the size of the room was cut in half and I was missing furniture. At the end of the first day of school, I was fired because I didn't complete the correct paperwork.

The first thing I did when I had calmed down enough to realize that it was just a dream... I googled some paperwork that I'm still waiting on -just to make sure that I hadn't dropped the ball on it. Thankfully, it's something the state has to take care of and that I have no control over. 

The problem with a day starting like that is that a feeling of anxiety is at the back of my mind constantly. Every time I hear a little "ding" signifying a new email, my stress level increases. Is it a message saying that my classroom won't be renovated by the beginning of the school year? Is it an email that I missed some training for school? Is it an email that I actually am not certified to teach a transition classroom? Is it bad news that isn't related to my job, but about something completely different? The questions multiply and my anxiety increases until I have enough courage to actually look at the email. And 99% of the time, it's junk mail. So I breathe a huge sigh of relief and try not to let the anxiety consume me. And then, I hear that awful "ding" again, and the cycle repeats. (In fact, this process happened 4 times, just while writing this post.)

I recently competed a numerical stress test (from one of my textbooks from college. you can find a similar one here http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_82.htm). According to the one I completed, I have a 95% chance of getting a stress related illness in the next year, and that didn't even figure in my international travel this spring! I've gotten knots in my back that are so numerous and tight that my arms start tingling. I can't let the fear of getting sick keep me from living my life, but I also can't ignore the stress and anxiety in my life. 

I know what the Bible says about anxiety and worry, and I'm trying to pray through it, but it is still unfortunately something I'm dealing with. So that is how you can be praying for me today/this week/this school year.


Here are some verses (from the ESV translation) that I am reminding myself of. Hopefully they'll be a good reminder for you too. 

Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus. 
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. 

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more that food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Psalm 56:3
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 
(The context of this passage refer to the Holy Spirit coming to all who believe. The Holy Spirit, who is in me, is present to help provide peace.)

Psalm 55:22a
Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.

1 Peter 5:6-8
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 

And one last verse:
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

Thank you to everyone who has written notes of encouragement the past few weeks. Even though you may not have realized the impact of your words (and I might not have shown my appreciation) 'a good word' really does help!